Dustin Diamond Sex TapeSome websites sites are braver than this one.

The good Samaritans at Fleshbot.com have selflessly subjected themselves to the crimes against amateur celebrity porn perpetrated by opportunistic former Saved by the Bell star Dustin Diamond and reviewed his infamous sex tape.

Interestingly, first off, the sex tape is apparently called Screeched, not Saved By the Smell, as was widely reported when the story broke last fall.

In any case, we’ve got excerpts of their review of the Dustin Diamond sex tape - which the actor first claimed was stolen from him and “somehow” made its way into the hands of vaunted celebrity image broker (best job title ever) David Hans Schmidt.

On the tape, Screech supposedly lures a pair of bachelorette party goers back to his motel for erotic adventurea involving a bubble bath and some nice defiling of them - the extent of which we can’t even describe for fear of our advertisers dropping us.

Here are excerpts from the review, which is nothing short of a huge letdown:

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“Shot in very poor P.O.V. style, Screeched features too many shots of Dustin Diamond’s face. It is a plus, though, that the banter seems real and that the bachelorette party, getting consistently drunker, appears nevertheless to be doing this of their own volition.

That Diamond, whose financial woes drove him to selling anti-foreclosure t-shirts, now peddles a sex tape through Paris Hilton sex tape purveyors Red Light District, comes across as painfully self-conscious should be a given, but that the video fails to reveal any hidden redeeming talents is the unkindest cut of all.

And that hyped Dirty Sanchez comes as something of an anticlimax. There is poo. Apparently ‘Bro’ offers points for that sort of thing.

The Screeched DVD also contains unrelated bonus scenes from porn pros just in case viewers feel Shaved by the Quality. The sex isn’t good, but a tape one makes for one’s friends isn’t really about that, anyway.”

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Based on this expert assessment, we recommend that celebrity gossip readers pass on the crushing, disturbing disappointment that is Screeched, and instead consider other recent releases, such as the tape to put out by Olivia Mojica.

Or Jennifer Toof. No, check that. You’ll probably be scarred for life with that one too. Just wait for the inevitable Britney Spears sex tape. You know it’s only a few years away.